Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Congratulations! We have a period
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
