You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
