it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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