My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
