Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize