Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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