never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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