Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize