she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
