Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
