I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize