Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
