I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
