I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
