So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
