Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
