btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
