Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Too much gin, very little bucket
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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