Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
