good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
