He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Text me some of your sweat
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