atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
