We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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