I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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