OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
