I wish you could order shots online.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
