I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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