I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize