I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
