you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
