My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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