Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
