dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
