my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
