Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
