keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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