dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
