i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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