I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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