dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
