My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
