She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize