my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
