Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
