Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
