I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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