My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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