A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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