Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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