respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
