i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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