covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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