I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
