All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
