..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
