Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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