he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
