Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
