the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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