I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
