Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
