so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
