Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
