Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
