So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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