so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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