Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
