my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
