I just made out with a guy for $7.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
