Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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